IT'S A TOUGH LIFE

Today, I realized that I am no robot. The stress brought up by my personal problems, and somewhat lack of sleep and rest has already taken its toll. I broke down and feel so tired.

Around five o'clock this morning while in front of my laptop, I suddenly felt a sting pain on my chest while breathing. It's alarming that I cannot breathe a full air anymore. I ran to the pantry to drink water thinking that it would ease the pain, but it only made it worse.

I sat in front of the sink as I saw my officemate with blur sight. I thought I'm dying. I shed tear.

As minutes passed by, I can slowly feel relief in breathing. Sinus tach is the culprit as this has already happened to me last year. It's the fast palpitation of the heart as a result of exercise, excessive stress, anxiety and fatigue. But the chest pain, the weakening of my body and the abnormal breathing is not a good sign.

I know this is already the repercussions of taking too much of these anxieties and problems which is building up inside me which I need to take a rest and slow down a bit.

But I hope, this, too, shall pass.

TRUST

Trust is the hardest thing to earn yet easiest to lose.

Once a person gave you that trust, keep it and take care of it.

PRIORITIES

Nakita nyo naman siguro sa previous post ko kung gaano ka-demanding ang work ko sa oras. Ngayong weekend na to eh halos puro work na ang aking kakaharapin.

Nung nasabi ko sa mga friends ko about my schedule over the weekend eh heto lang ang mga nasabi nila:

    "Kaya pala single ka eh kasi sobrang busy mo sa work!" o "Buti hindi ka iniiwan ng syota mo?"

Sa totoo lang, ako din nagugulat na din kasi minsan medaling araw na o kaya may araw na ako nakakauwi mula sa office at papasok ng tanghali kinabukasan. Walang kaso yun sa akin kasi mahal ko naman trabaho ko. Pero iisa lang din naman ang sagot ko sa mga tanong nila:

    "Kahit sobrang busy man ako sa trabaho ko, I make sure to have time with my wifey. Kung may spare time ako, sa kanya ko lahat binubuhos di na baleng walang pahinga kasi masaya akong kasama sya."

Ganun lang naman siguro kasimple ang explanation kung bakit kahit na sobrang demanding ang work eh hindi pa din ako nawawalan ng oras para sa partner. It's just how we are going to prioritize things.

At isa pa, bago ako pumasok sa isang relasyon, kelangan ko munang alalahanin na sana naiiintindihan ni partner ang magiging sitwasyon, na sana hindi nya pagselosan ang trabaho ko kasi sa bandang huli, ito ang mambubuhay sa amin. (Naks! Gumaganun?!) J tsaka pala, hindi I'm just a text away from her naman kaya open ang communications naming.

Anyway highway, dahil sa medyo busy-busyhan eh kelangan kong bumawi sa kanya. Hmmm ano kaya magandang idea? Hehe.

HOW I LOVE MY WORK (NO PUN INTENDED)

Yes, I am dead serious with the title. So in these next few days, I'll give my full support on her because she's my top priority like a wife giving birth to our first son. As you can see the time listed, I'll be round-the-clock beside her. :)

(meeting schedules)

I'll try to post more after we get settled. :)

PILLOW TALK

I bought this pillow just for the sake of something I can rest on my head if we go beyond the wee hours working in the office.

But I didn't notice what's written until I opened the bag:

"with our thoughts we create our world"

I just thought that this is one of the reasons why I write and blog, and creating my world with people who can freely evolve into it.

nakigaya si partner, pinili nya brown. echoserang palaka sya.

RELATIONSHIPS AND APOLOGIES

This is an emo post. If you get suffocated with such things on emoness, better skip this and move on with other's posts.

Ang pagpasok sa isang relasyon ay hindi parang kanin na mainit na kung isinubo mo ay pwede mo lang iluwa. There are things needed to consider before getting committed like the personality of your partner, their background and your feeling is right as well.

Yet, when already involved in a relationship, madami din kailangang tandaan para maging matibay ang inyong pagsasama. I want to share three pointers here that think might help you in building a stronger relationship.

1. Learn to say sorry and forgive. If you know that you hurt the feelings of your partner, say sorry immediately. Iwasang patagalin ang mga misunderstandings kasi the more na pinatagal mo ito ay mas lalo itong magiging complicated at baka mas mahirapan kayong solusyonan ang problema. On the other hand, learn how to forgive. If your partner asked for forgiveness, give in. You will know if he/she is sincere when they say sorry. Ibaba ang pride kasi walang nagagawa ang pride, mas lalo lang magkakaroon ng gap between the two of you kung mahirap kang magpatawad.
   

   
    

2. Tell your partner about your true feelings. Being open on your feelings in any kind of relationship is vital. Kung galit or naiinis ka, sabihin mo and be transparent. Hindi manghuhula ang partner mo kaya mas ok sabihin ang totoong nararamdaman. Kung may kinikimkim kang inis sa kanya at hindi mo ito sinabi ay wala itong magagawa. Para lang itong anay na bubuwagin ang inyong relasyon. Keep communications also both open. Alam nating lahat na napakahalaga ang communication sa isa't isa.
   

   
    

3. Tell them or show them how much you love them before it's too late. I was not a "showy" person before. Naiirita ako sa unang girlfriend ko noon kasi lagi nyang sinasabi kung gaano nya ako kamahal. Hindi ako sweet na tao kaya ayoko ng mga ganun. Until we found out that she has leukemia. That was the turning point for me, I realized nagkamali ako. I had only very little time to show and tell her how much I love her. Nagsisisi ako kung bakit hinayaan kong palampasin ang napakadaming pagkakataon na sabihin sa kanya. Kaya nung sumunod kong relasyon ay lagi ko ng sinasabi kung gaano ko sila kamahal.
   

   
    

I hope that someday she's going to read this post. I want her to know how much I love her and I'm willing to do everything to make our relationship go stronger. I know she's mad at me now that's why I am asking for forgiveness. I hope that she's still willing to fix the problem I made and I am begging her if we can sit and talk about this one.

I have plans on us already. I want to build a family with her, a home where we can stay forever. I want to be beside her until my last breathe.

If you're going to read this, please accept my apologies and let's start anew. I love you very much; you're the one who taught me how to love again after being broken. I don't want to lose you and I hope you still do.