I REALLY NEED A WARM HUG NOW… PLEASE… :(
Monday, March 22, 2010
I am really getting bothered with my sleeping habits. It is already six in the morning and I'm still wide awake. I already tried every lane of my bed but still I can't find the road to dreamland. What even bothers me more, it's Monday and I'll be working 'til midnight.
Since, I don't want to get idle, I resorted to make kwento how my weekend went. This is just my hangover. I cannot think of any good post, writer's block huh?
I woke up Saturday afternoon. Wanting to go out of my apartment while there's still the sun in the horizon, I went online to invite someone for a dinner -err breakfast or have some coffee. There I found Glentot on facebook. We met for a coffee until the whole gang arrived, as usual, Jepoy's late.
Though my weekend was a blur, I still enjoyed the company of my friends- Jepoy, Glentot, YJ, and Citybuoy. Stories shared over a cup of coffee plus the spirit of san mig light were enough to cap off the week. Around 3 in the morning, we decided to go separate ways.
Then yesterday, I went out to see The Book of Eli on the big screen, which Glentot recommended. How loser am I to watch alone. It's a good movie; it talked about greed of power. The story was simple. Eli has this book and it's the only copy left after the war. And there's this villain who's searching for this book and at all cost, he did everything just to get it- he slayed and tortured people. He thinks that this will give him the power to rule the land. And in the end, he found out that this book was written in Braille and he can't read it.
Anyway, I'm not really good in doing a movie review. I don't to spoil the story and I want the audience to ruminate on how the story unfolds.
There, I'm done with this post and good enough, I can already see zzzzzland.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Habang nasa Cebu ako eh syempre di ko pinalagpas ang pagkakataon na mamasyal sa probinsya. Kahit medyo mas mainit sya sa Maynila eh ma-eenjoy mo din ang lugar. Since wala akong masyadong mai-kwento dun eh I'll just let some of the pictures do the talking. :)
ang sexy ko syet! (Sa Mactan island)
at simple lang, maganda sya kaya gwapo ako. hehehe
I suddenly miss Cebu, the food, the people and the place itself. Makabalik nga dun one of these days. Sino gustong sumama?
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I took the express elevator on our office building to reach our floor faster. The first stop of the elevator is on the 15th and we're on the 14th so I have to take the stairs. While I was on the stairs, I chanced upon this 25 centavos on one of its steps.I took it and put inside my pocket. Napaisip ako at oo, nag-emo emo ako dahil sa baryang yun. Wala na bang halaga ang bent'singko sa mga madlang people ngayon at parang itinatapon na lang? I have this perspective that every penny counts. It means a lot for me especially when I think of our situation during my childhood years.
Lumaki ako sa isang mahirap na bayan sa probinsya ng Ilocos Norte. Simple lang, payak ang pamumuhay ikanga (syet medyo malalim yun ah, di ko kineri). I grew up without a family computer, Atari or Nintendo. Hanggang ngayon nga eh ni-PSP or Wii eh wala. We used to have blocks of woods which came from those houses that were under construction. We imagine them as trucks or toy cars. We seldom have toys bought from the department store. Lobo nga lang eh masaya na kami, at mas masaya pa kung yung laruan eh yung may mga manok na tumutuka habang umiikot yung isang itlog na sinlaki ng holen sa baba.We also tried having tuyo as our dish for a month. At dahil medyo maarte ako, pinagdidiskitahan ko na lang yung Milo na ulamin. I know medyo mapalad na kami na nag-uulam ng tuyo kesa naman sa wala. I always imagined of hotdogs and pork and beans that time. I thought that those processed foods will be enough for me to live until I grow old. Di ako magsasawang ulamin sila.
Come kindergarten years, I only have a piso as my baon. Although that was around 1993, yung piso na yun eh sapat na para bumili ng zoom-zoom o kaya cheez-um o dalawang cheese hotdog na chichirya para pantawid gutom. Medyo may kamahalan na sila ngayon. During those times, we used to walk more than a kilometer going to school and we have to do that once in the morning, twice during noontime because we go home for lunch and another flight in the afternoon. I was so dark. We have to brave the scorching heat of the sun because we can't afford a 2 peso fare for a jeep ride.When I was entered elementary, my mom brought me to a private school. Medyo naging ok naman na konti ang kalagayan naming nun. Pero yung allowance ko eh nasa dalawang piso lang. Sapat na para pambili ng palamig o buko juice sa canteen kasi may dala-dala naman akong bread na ang palaman ay peanut butter. Nagsasawa na din ako nyan nun. Nagdidiwang na ako nun pag nakabili ako ng Chippy na tig-3 piso pa ata nun.
May time pa na minsan eh walang maibigay si Nanay na baon so she'll just give me banana as my snack. Hiyang-hiya ako nun kapag recess na at hindi ako mapakali kung papano ko kakainin yung saging. Yung mga classmates ko kasi eh bibili sa canteen ng mga Chippy o kaya yung tig-5 na pansit. Kaya ang ginagawa ko, pumupunta ako sa kadulu-duluhan ng playground para kainin yun. Di ko naman kasi matiis ang gutom ko. Yung faucet na lang din ang last resort ko na panulak. Minsan napapaluha ako nun na sana din a lang ako sa private school.Kaya nung papasok ako ng high school eh pinilit ko ang nanay ko na sa balik na lang ulit ako sa public school. Pinag-awayan pa namin yun at iniyakan ko. I know the dilemma of going to a private again, how much more criticisms will I receive. But all of those reasons, sabi ko na lang sa nanay ko na para makatipid sila sa akin. Pinagbigyan naman nila ako. I prioritized my studies when I was in high school and dreamed of becoming one of the honor graduates. I wished to enter UP or be a scholar in a university. Lahat ginawa ko, nagsumikap. Pero sadyang mailap ata ang dream na yun pero at least eh nakasama ako sa star section. Hehe.
Heto na, college na. Di nga ako nakapasa sa UP Diliman at ayoko naman sa Visayas. Dili ko ganahan mag-aral didto, layo man sa family at dili ko pa kabalo mag-bisaya. Sinabi sa akin ng nanay ko na igagapang na lang daw nila ang pag-aaral ko basta magsumikap lang ako. Kaya pinasok nila ulit ako sa isang private school na di ko inaakalang papasukan ko sya. Ay no, di na naming keri sa Green Pasture at sa Blue Sky, mahal na masyado. Baka di na kami kakain nyan basta makapag-aral lang ako.Binalak ko mang mag-part time noon eh pinagbawalan daw ako. Naawa din kasi ako sa parents ko na laki ng ginagastos sa akin. Umiiyak ako nun pag malapit na ang bayaran ng tuition fees kasi alam ko kung gaano kahirap maghagilap ng pambayad. Kaya talagang nagsumikap na lang ako sa pag-aaral. Iniwasan kong magka-syota (kaya talagang virgin pa ako nun, haha) para lang focus ako sa studies ko. At salamat sa Diyos eh pumasa naman at grumaduate on-time. At kung ano man ang nakuha ko noong graduation eh inaalay ko sa aking magulang. Hindi para sa akin yung diplomang yun kundi para sa kanila.
Kaya ngayong may trabaho na ako ay hindi ko pa din nakakalimutan kung paano ako nagsimula, kung gaano kaliit ang mabibili mng bawat barya ay mahalaga para sa akin. Pinupulot ko kung may makita ako at iniipon ito kasi sa darating na araw eh lalaki din ang halaga nila.O bonggang bongga ang kwento ko di ba? Dahil lang sa bentsinko na yun eh nagkaroon ako ng moments at nakagawa pa ng napakahabang post ng talambuhay ko? Sino kaya ang makakapagbasa ng napakabang ito? Hahaha!
Napost ko itong emo-shit na'to dahil sa malahayup na istorya ng buhay ni Pareng Drake! ;-)
Monday, March 15, 2010
I haven't tried spending more 18 than hours in the office until yesterday. The last time I did this was only 15 hours when I was out of the country for a project.
Now here's the catch, I went home Saturday around 5 in the morning and then decided to continue my work later that afternoon. I am a deadline beater kaya pinanghahawakan ko yun, by hook or by crook. After a barely 5 hours of sleep, I forced myself to wake up. Tang'na lang di ba? sabog sabog na lang!
Around 12, I started to prepare for office. I sent a text message to my paknerthat I'm leaving our house already and I'll just have my breakfast in the office. Parang tanga lang, 1pm breakfast?!
pakner at the war room
Hayun, once I arrived in the office, I searched for a war room, I opened my laptop, grabbed a cup of coffee sa pantry and started my work until my pakner arrived. I was expecting that I'll be done around 10-ish ng gabi. Pero yung akala ko eh isang malaking pagkakamali.
We had my lunch around midnight then nung magutom ng mga 3am, naghanap kami ulit ng makakainan. Unang puntirya namin ay yung McDonald's sa El Pueblo. Putragis sarado na pala so we opted to walk further until we reached another McDonald's somewhere in the Emerald. Sakto, medyo madaming tao kaya di kami masyadong mabored. Napag-isip ko, madami na palang call centers sa may part na yun ng Ortigas kaya hindi parang Dawn of the Dead ang lugar na walang katao-tao.
pakner tapped-out around 4-ish
Then we went back to the office. I was so exhausted already that I hardly process the things I should be doing. Parang computer lang ako na sobrang daming fragments na kailangan ng i-defrag. Kahit anong gawin kong CTRL+ALT+DEL eh naghahang pa din ako ng paulit-ulit. I went downstairs to breathe the polluted air. But before that, pinagbalingan ko pa ng inis ko dun sa elevator kasi sobrang tagal dumating. I puffed two sticks ng Marlboro Black at hayun, medyo high na ako at bumalik na ako sa room.
4am… blaring silence…5am… may dumaan na eroplano at nagsisimula na ang araw ng mga tao.
the ball of fire started to shine on this Sunday morning
6am… nagmumura na ako kasi nakikita ko na ang liwanag.
7am… I started to formulate my email telling my client how cruel they are. Haha! I kid! I kid!8am… brain freeze after so many times of rebooting with 3 cups of Americano.
I went to the CR to wash my fucking oily face na pwedeng pagprituhan ng itlog at porkchop. Parang nakakita din ako ng lalaking naka-drugs with matching red eyes. Shit shit shit! Natakot ako kaya pumunta ako agad sa room, closed my laptop, placed it on my bag, grabbed all the chords and packed up.
Sigh! Kung di ko lang mahal ang work ko eh di ko ito matatagalan. Pero yun eh, parang ikinasal na ako sa kanya and I'm getting more in love with her everyday. Tsaka sinasanay ko na din sarili ko kasi ganito daw talaga ang magiging schedule ko pagpasok ko sa showbiz! hahaha! :)
Friday, March 12, 2010
Hindi ko na nadatnan ang aking kapatid pagdating ko sa bahay kaninang madaling-araw galing sa office. Sabi ko, "Wohoo! Pagkakataon ko na sh*t!" Wala akong bantay kaya medyo masaya-saya ako kasi magagawa ko kahit anong gusto ko. Haha
Pero syempre di ko naman alam na umalis ang kapatid ko papuntang Pangasinan kaya di ako nakapag-uwi ng chikas. Napag-isipan kong matulog na lang kasi pagod din ako sa work at may meeting pa ako mamayang hapon. Magulo ang room na nadatnan ko kaya inayos ko pa ng konti.
Nung tapos na sa pag-ayos eh yun na, ready to fly na ako sa dreamland. Pinatay ko na ang ilaw at humiga. Konting paikot-ikot sa kama para maging komportable. Nung ok na ako, naisip ko pucha angdilim!
Nagsitayuan ang mga balahibo ko. Hindi lamig ang dahilan! Natatakot ako. Waaah ayokong may magpakita sa akin kaya nagtakip na lang ako ng kumot.
Di na pala ako sanay na mag-isa sa bahay. Nyemas, nerbiyos at takot ang nasa isip ko. Ni hindi nga tumatayo si *toot* (Haha! Ang halay!) kapag takot ako eh.
*Sigh* Sana bumalik agad ang kapatid galing sa lamyerda nila o kaya makahanap ng sasama sa akin! Kaya ang siste, pinagtiisan ko na lang ang flashlight na ginawa kong dim light. Hayun, ubos ang battery.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I already posted this on my facebook account sometime last year. I chanced on this survey, got interested on it and so I took.
The question is what are my top 5 birthday wishes. Since wish naman siya, I gave an answer and some of them eh may kahirapan sa pagtupad.
1. I want to go to Tokyo and northern Japan when spring comes. During this time, cherry blossoms bloom and cover the pavements with its petals. Of course, I want to be with my significant other.
2. A sky dive on the vast land of Australia, have a picture with the koalas and kroos. Someone even promised me to try this with me.
3. I want to fly to New York and have a bite with the big apple.
4. I want a latest camera on my birthday. See? I'm a travel bug. I want to see the world and i want to put them into printed memories so in later time, I can go back and look how far I have gone.
5. This is the most important on my wishes. It's a ring, a wedding ring. And there in the description, I put the word YOU.
I'll be turning 24 in the next few months. Though I'm not in the rush of searching YOU, I'm not closing my doors of finding her soon. Besides, I'm enjoying on my current status, single.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I transferred here last year. Sabi nga nila, isang malaking pagbabago ulit ang kakaharapin ko. That's why when I came here, I was looking for a comfortable place to fit it. It's not only the view on the outside but also the people I'm going to interact with during my entire stay.
H Block is as cold as Siberia. We have the coldest place in the office. A jacket is a must, or else you'll end up having pneumonia. Possibly because the block is quite smaller than with the rest blocks in the office. Also, we're only a few residing in this block.
H Block is facing the west direction so the view of the sunset is quite a catch. Around 5:30 in the afternoon, we pull up the blinds to witness the nature's stunning beauty.
During late nights (my shift ends 'til midnight), our colleagues gather around the area. We do few harutan or chismis just to relieve the stress. A few munches also available kaya siguro dinudumog yung block namin.
As part of the new beginning, this place will be a witness of my growth and working with these new people tells me that I don't only have to go to the office to earn money.
Monday, March 8, 2010
When a thing comes to an end, there comes a new beginning.
Today, I officially deleted my other blog. I don't know if I should call it my blog. I got a feeling that it's not me who's writing on those posts anymore. Pakiramdam ko kasi, hindi na ako yung dating sarili ko. I think I lost him sometime last year and he didn't make a return yet.
Therefore, I braved to cross the blog out.
Now that I am on my new abode, I will start a new beginning. Forget emoness. I cannot contain them already or else, I might get a cardiac arrest in the next few days if I continue to do so. Patawarin nyo na lang yung dalawang nauna kong post. It was the aftershock of the tragedy and unconsciously why I carried them in here.
Anyway, since I said I'll be starting all over again, I want to make this page as sappy as my old self. I'll try to make it light and will avoid shits (READ: TRY). Promise, ayoko na ng mabigat sa dibdib. Hehehe!
I will have a good start this time. Kaya mga pards, isang kampai para sa isang pagbabago.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I still have the plane ticket; it was booked on the month of April. It was one of those happiest days, we'll be together in 3 months and eager to hug and kiss you on my birthday.
But things changed. A month before my flight, we broke up. It was so hard and never imagined how will I face the coming days and months alone.
Still, I pursued the planned trip because I want to talk to you face to face. I asked for a closure. I don't know if this was the best or the most stupid thing I did because that day is I always remember.
Until now, I'm still stuck here.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
The day I met you, I felt surreal. It was unexplainable. The emotion I had was so right. Thus I jump in without thinking.
It will be nine months since we parted. It was the worst heartbreak I ever had.
Though it's really tough to face the reality, I have to accept it. It was long ago since I thought that already get through it.
But I don't know why when every time I wake up in the morning, every time I have my breakfast, lunch and dinner, every time I'm on my way home after office, every time I go to sleep, I always think of you.
Yes, I still cry sometimes under my pillows. I miss you a lot. I'm thinking if things turned to be alright between us, would I have the chance to pick you up at the airport every time you have a homecoming? Would we still have the chance to eat in a Japanese restaurant? Would there be a chance that I will cook a dinner for the two of us? Would there be a chance that I can cuddle you until daylight? Would there be chance that I'm still going to call you every morning and wake you up or else you'll be late for work?
What if you chose me, do we still have the chance of walking around a road full of cherry blossoms holding each other's hand? Would we still have the chance to get married in oz and take skydive there?
I thought I moved on already. But why I'm still stuck here? Why my heart still beats your name? Why do I still cry thinking of you? Why I can't just move on and forget you? Why do I still think of you?
I don't know if I'm still sane but I still love you that much… and as promised, I will still love you, only from afar.